Sunday, August 28, 2016

Las Vegas License Plates We Need To Get

I have lived in Las Vegas for about a year and a half - one week or ten days at a time spread over the last 20 years or so.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to live in Sin City. I'm not sure I'd enjoy being surrounded by casinos, gambling, drinking, incredible amounts of excitement and fun, 24/7 escapism, awesome food, and unrivaled entertainment.

If I did, though, I would surely get a vanity license plate for my 1984 Toyota Tercel.

Now, you might think all the good ones are taken. Like this one that I spied on a recent trip report:

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Locate Anything in Downtown Las Vegas in Three Words

That saxophone guy's spot is spicy.snow.pads. You knew saxophones had pads, right?
As we saw in the first part of this series, Find Anything in Las Vegas with Three Words, the Very Smart People at What3words have figured out a scheme where every 10 foot by 10 foot square on the planet can be addressed using just three common everyday ordinary words.

Yep, they are handing out co-ordinates faster than Scotty.


Some clicky-clicky mouse-hunting turned up all kinds of hilarious and ironic three word codes for various places in Downtown Las Vegas.

Well, I think they are hilarious - you may have to give me some latitude on that.

(See what I did there?)

Lets have a look around downtown and see what we can find.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Find Anything in Las Vegas with Three Words


Welcome to Fabulous Suffer Finds Awards Nevada doesn't seem to have much of a ring to it. In fact, it reads like something off of my last game of Bad Platitudes With Friends.

Some Very Smart People at What3words who no doubt employ a garage full of other Very Smart People have come up with a totally new way of addressing any spot on the planet using just three everyday words.

Basically, they drew a grid everywhere around the whole wide world with some extremely large Sharpies, splitting everything as far as the eye can see and then some up into 3 meter by 3 meter boxes. That's about 10' by 10' in case you are metric-ally challenged.

And each and every one of these squares has its very own absolutely unique three word address - including the 10 foot square grid box you are sitting in at this very mo'.

Why does this matter? Well, if you've ever tried to meet up with anyone anywhere anytime in your life - it matters big time. (Plus, as we'll see, it can be a pantload of fun!)

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Golden Nugget Las Vegas Bargains

Updated for 2016

There are bargains to be had at the Golden Nugget? Yes!

If downtown Las Vegas is the mother's milk of traditional casino gambling, then the Golden Nugget is the cream of that milk. And getting things for cheaperer at the Golden Nugget is the creme de la creme of that cream of that downtown mother's milk.

And this article that will tell you how to get those Nuggety bargains is the pat of fat-ass silky smooth creamery butter of the creme de la creme de la downtown milk etc. etc. etc.

It's pretty much undisputed that the Smug Nugget is by far the swankiest, classiest, highest quality casino hotel downtown. In terms of digs, there are probably a few suites here and there that come close, such as the top offerings in the new section of the tiny Golden Gate. But when you compare the whole package, the Nugget is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the gold-encrusted almost retired middle-aged Mom and Dad set.

Landry's has done an admirable job of improving the place since they purchased it, with endless rounds of redecorating, new restaurants, shows, and a top-quality pool scene.

When you are the sexiest dame at the ball, though, you can take some liberties. Patrons pay for those endless rounds of redecorating with scaled down video poker paytables compared to other downtown properties, and slots that seem tighter than Kenny Blankenship's Hide-out Pool Speedo.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Learn and Play Craps with Royal Flusher: Taking Odds


As the flasher said, let's just get this out in the open. Craps terminology is risqué and rude, starting with its very name. Naturally, I like it.

There are a myriad of bets you can place at the craps table, and most of them have some element of rudeness in how they are called by the - ahem - stick man.

Like a bunch of yokels likkered up on 'shine at a country shivaree you can bet on the Come, or the Don't Come. You can place the numbers, like the 6 and 9. Or, you can play the field.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Learn and Play Craps with Royal Flusher: Simple Pass Line Play

This is the second article on the simplest way to get into the wonderful game of craps. I'm going to tell you exactly how to walk up to a table and get playing without making an ass out of yourself. And I'm not talking about that Pop-o-matic Trouble Craps electronic game with the giant size vaudeville dice, either. I'm talking about the real thing, seven come eleven, dollar yo, eight the hard way, toss the bones CRAPS.

You'll be able to play craps with complete confidence, as long as you follow my simple directives and don't screw up, or say the wrong thing, or spill a drink, or look at someone the wrong way, or break some unwritten rule.

See how easy and fun learning craps can be? Oh boy!

Believe me, you are in good, crappy hands with Royal Flusher. I've taught as many as half a dozen people how to play craps, some successfully.
My best rack of chips ever - so far.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Learn and Play Craps with Royal Flusher: The Basics


A loud bunch of people in the casino are having what sounds like a full-on fireworks and jello shots party, grouped around a long wooden table, drinking, laughing, placing chips on the table, and picking up winnings, the racks in front of them filling up with red, green and black chips.

About every 30 seconds, they scream at the top of their lungs, high-five each other, and generally carry on, practically giving everyone within a 50 yard radius a heart attack. They are, without a doubt, the most obnoxious, out of control group in the casino.

And by God, you want to be one of them someday. Because it looks like they are having the time of their lives. And they are.

Welcome to craps. In this series of articles, I'm going explain in crystal clear terms the absolute bare minimum that you need to know to start playing craps without making an ass of yourself or getting into any trouble. I'll explain the fundamental rules, and show you how to walk up to a craps table and get in the game without feeling intimidated. Because, let's face it, to some, craps is the most intimidating-looking game in the casino. But once you know the basics, it's easy.

The best part? With this simple information, you'll be making some of the best bets with the lowest house edge in the casino.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Is Blackjack Dead?

Is Blackjack dead?

Before answering that, let's consider some facts.

Traditional 21 pays 3:2 on blackjacks. That's $15 on a $10 bet. You can expect to get this about four times an hour, on average. Playing basic strategy, you can get around 99.5% payback. That is a razor thin house edge of around a half a percent.  

Horrid evil fake 6:5 Crapjack pays 6:5 on blackjacks. That's $12 on a $10 bet, $3 less. This increases the house edge by around 1.4% to a total of 1.9%.

Viewed another way, that's $12 an hour on a $10 game. Viewed even another way, they've increased the money they are going to take from you by four times.