Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Las Vegas Casino Comp Offers

When your Vegas offers arrive, you have to know how to read 'em to evaluate just how you are being courted by the property that is trying to entice you with their siren song of room, food, booze and gambling, and what it is worth to you to grace them with your presence (and precious gambling bankroll). Think twice before you pull your casino pants down for just any offer!

Is this really a real offer? Really? (Err. No.)
After qualifying for years for a comped room offer, and staying at the El Co a number of times, all of a sudden, I got cut back to so-called 'offers' which spouted casino rate as if it was some amazing wonderful deal. Maybe its because I stupidly went and hit a $1000 Royal Flush, and a $500 Deuces hand on the old coin-droppers.

And I'm saddened, because I love the El Cortez. I love their grimy past and their coconut scented future. I love their gameside dining. I love the staff roams the casino giving out free pie. Yes, FREE PIE! I love the way they imported all the rubbydubs from the Western when it closed its doors. (And feed them free pie.)

And this is why I feel the burning stabbing burning pain that a jilted lover feels when that jilted lover finds out that the one they love (in this case, the El Cortez) doesn't want them any more. Either that, or they've picked up a monumental case of the clap. (Now called an STD as the pretty, buxom twenty-something Costco pharmacy girl pointed out with steely-eyed glee when I picked up a prescription for an infected tooth.)

Let's take a look at an example teaser lust-letter sent from the El Cortez straight into my email Inbox one fine day.

Looks like a mighty fine offer, right? Is that FIVE TIMES something? What is that about $15?! WOOHOOO!!!

But wait! When I took a closer look (as you should when these teasers arrive) I noticed that this offer did not include any comped rooms, which is what I'm used to and, as a savvy gambler, deserve. Because a comped room would be the Royal Flusher Way.

Just take a closer look at the fine print and you'll see how the El Cortez is messed with me!

The details of this 'offer' were downright insulting!

Really, I was not impressed with this particular marketing pitch.

When you really inspect it carefully, this is what you get. Totally not the R.F.W.

With offers like this, loving the El Cortez is like loving a woman who tells you she loves you, and wants you to play her slot, but when it comes time to pull the handle, leaves you holding your own, with nothing to show for it but a couple of dropped greasy quarters on the gaudy carpet, clutching an offer for crappy casino rate, instead of a comp.

So be careful before you jump on your casino mail - spend your love wisely and get the best deal!

Post Script - The offer country fried gravy train shut down early in 2012 because the El Cortez needed to pay for a new ceiling, new carpet, and five or six hundred drums of industrial strength fake coconut scent left over from one of Michael Jackson's infamous 'pin the grammy on Bubbles the Chip' parties.

Sadly, that same country fried gravy train has remained out of my station all these years. I'm sure if I played more they would improve. But for now, playing at the ElCo is 'just for money and fun', not for heavy play as far as I'm concerned.

I still visit the ElCo every trip with a little tear in my eye and a pocket full of hundies.


  1. I like your player's card number. Very savvy!

  2. Thank you, butt. It's nice to know someone appreciates the small touches that Jimmy Poon puts into the graphics.

  3. Oh how I miss those country fried gravy train days at the El Cortez.

  4. This offer may be better than it looked at first glance. 2,000 or 3,000 base points for a comp room night (up to 3). 5X points on one day of your choice. So, book for three nights. Play the minimum 2K or 3K points on the first two days to get those nights comped (that's 3-4 hours on their slow quarter machines). Activate your 5X points on the third day, and you and the Flusherette both pound away at dollars on your card. (Set a stop-win if you like.) The heavy action should also lead to better future offers, unless you win big.